Ep 12: How Can Sex Be Perfect? | Is There A Right Way To Do It
How can sex be perfect? Does perfect sex really exist? Have YOU had your “perfect sex?”
All these questions & more…..ANSWERED! In this episode of #AskTheExpert, sexpert Kanusha converses with host Artika about what the most ideal sex is and what makes sex with a partner or oneself “perfect”.
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Guest bio
Ms. Kanusha YK is a clinical psychologist and sexual wellness psychotherapist. With over six years of experience, Ms. Kanusha excels in addressing a diverse range of mental and sexual health concerns, including anxiety disorders, mood disorders, personality disorders, sexual dysfunctions, and other related issues. Her expertise and compassionate approach make her a trusted professional for individuals seeking support and guidance. Ms. Kanusha's dedication to providing effective therapy enables her clients to overcome challenges and enhance their overall mental well-being. She is fluent in English, Telugu, Kannada, and Hindi.
"we as a species, chase the idea of perfection. We want the perfect naukri (job), the perfect Chhokri (implies girl/partner here), the perfect house- and now even perfect sex. But can perfect sex even be a reality?"
- Ms. Artika, Sexual Health Educator, Allo Health
"There is no universal perfect sex."
-Ms. Kanusha YK, Sexual Wellness Therapist, Allo Health
Viewer’s QnA from the podcast
Q: Where should I learn how to have sex from?
So I think, you know, I've heard a lot of people talk about how they want to explore how sex is just by themselves. They prefer just, you know, having their own narrative of it, their own definition. So that could be one way. Either you just obviously talk to your partner about it and say, this is what we'd like to try out and this is my idea of it. And then it just sort of takes its own course. If not, you know, someone wants to specifically learn about it, then ideally it would be great if you could talk to someone you're comfortable with, someone you trust. So either you know, parents or a sibling or a friend or a cousin. And I understand this can be quite difficult sometimes, of course, but as I said, it's an ideal situation, but if not again, Doctor Google's always there. So but then again, you know there I think it's important to be able to understand, you know, certain information is helpful, but then some of it can not be very helpful and direct you know, not a very pleasant way. Right. Yeah. I think this is a curiosity, which is there in a lot of young people's mind, which is like, where are we going to learn how to have sex from? And then they start resorting to like watching porn or like you said, searching on the Internet. And I think we also want to do- want to share today that sex is an experiential experience. Right- like, you have it, and then you learn about it and so on and so forth. So it doesn't, again, using the word perfect, it doesn't have to be perfect the first time. It doesn't even have to be perfect for the 80th time. Absolutely. It's kind of a journey that through your own growth, you learn what you like and what you don't like. And then if you are someone who has a partner, you also learn about their likes and dislikes. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I think what a better world it would be if we were in a society where parents, peers, teachers, everybody had enough information to talk about all this. Right? I think that's something we're trying to work on.
Q: My boyfriend doesn't like wearing a condom, but I'm scared that I'll get pregnant. What should I do?
Well, you're going to have to talk about it with the talk about it with him very honestly, because, you know, condom is very important to avoid unplanned pregnancies and also avoid possible transmission of infections. Right. So I wouldn't see any other safe way out of this. And you know, I think like we've been discussing one of one of the ways of having a very good sexual intimacy or sexual experience with someone is when you communicate, likes, dislikes, comforts, discomforts. So I think it's very important that, you know, she talks to her boyfriend and says, I'm really not comfortable and it's not something worth what what's the word? Not dicing, what
Q: I had sex for the first time and accidentally farted. I'm so embarrassed to call her again. But I do like her what should I do?
So if you like her you should be able to, like farting in front of her. I think it's okay. It's just. Yeah. I don't think this is a sexual health question. It's definitely not, you know, maybe the sex is that good and so your body is also very happy so you
Q: Will taking contraception pills regularly affect my chances of getting pregnant in the future?
It wouldn't. If you take hormonal contraceptives, they don't. At least they haven't been proven to do so. Yeah. So it's okay. But then I think speaking slightly away from this, it's important not to overtake contraceptives because they, you know, sort of mess around with with your hormones a bit. It's just not advisable in general. So maybe stick to using it as an actual emergency pill like it says. Hmm. Maybe this question is about oral contraceptive pills, like OCPs and not emergency pills, in that case? Either way it wouldn't- wouldn't affect pregnancies for sure.
Read transcript
Sexpert + Topic Intro
You know what?
I looked everywhere.
I looked on Google, on Wikipedia,
YouTube, everywhere.
And I just couldn't find it.
I'm talking
about the definition of perfect sex.
We as a species,
humans- are flawed and imperfect.
And yes, we're slowly
beginning to embrace that.
But also we as a species, chase
the idea of perfection.
We want the perfect naukri (job),
the perfect Chhokri (implies girl/partner here),
the perfect house-
and now even perfect sex.
But can perfect sex even be a reality?
I have so many things to say about this,
but where are my manners?
Firstly,
welcome to our show
Allo #AskTheSexpert,
a space
where we invite sexual
health and wellness
experts to talk about pleasure
sex, health,
and most importantly,
to answer all your questions
so that you can have better sex,
backed by science
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
So, like I told you, we're going to talk
about the idea of perfect sex.
And of course, I had to bring someone on
who has a lot of knowledge about this.
So today I have with us recurring expert
Kanusha,
who is an in-house
therapist with Allo Health.
Welcome Kanusha, how are you?
Thank you.
Thank you very much
Artika.
I think you've maintained
a pretty good theme
of having some very interesting
Experts? talks and experts. Yes.
And also. So, yeah, what do we have today?
What IS "Perfect Sex"
Yeah.
So we want to talk about like
just in general,
the idea of perfect everything.
Okay.
And we often hear
people say that, oh,
like I had the best sex of my life! Or
I had the most perfect sex.
But can something like sex,
which is actually a very,
very subjective experience,
be defined as perfect?
So, you know what is
perfect sex in your opinion?
And is it even something?
It is something for
a person or a couple. Right?
So perfect sex for someone could be maybe
just getting sexually intimate
just in their bedroom.
Perfect sex
with someone else
could be maybe going to a hotel
or just having a really- very
different environment.
So again, just coming back to the whole
it being very subjective,
it being very personal,
it's important
for couples
to discuss right? Talk
about what you like,
what you dislike,
what you find very sexually arousing.
So as long as you like what you're doing,
your partner likes what they're doing.
Yeah,
I think that's what perfect is,
where both of you all are satisfied.
That's perfect. Yeah.
And even for people
without partners, right?
Like their idea of
perfect sex could be
solo sex and masturbation- Yes.
in some perfect way-
which fits their fantasies.
Yes, exactly.
So I think everything just boils down to
it being very subjective. Right.
There is no universal perfect.
Yeah. -Sex.
You just pursue something
that doesn't even exist, basically.
And also very incorrectly,
a lot of people start naming
and putting labels and saying this-
if this happens, then that's perfect.
If this happens,
then that's perfect.
Yes. Which is incorrect right?
That, again, is based on that experience.
So they assume it's applicable
to everybody else. Got it.
And, you know, I'm just wondering,
Perfect Sex vs Better Sex
instead of perfect,
what is another word
which we can use to describe sex?
And I'm wondering if it's
