Ep 2: How Long Should Sex Be? | Is Longer Sex Always Better?

Topic & Sexpert Intro Last night I watched a movie where the whole plot of the movie is based on the husband not being able to last long in bed. And I was wondering, what is the big deal? So that's the question and some more that we're going to try and answer today. But before that, welcome to our show Allo Ask The Sexpert- a space where we invite sexual health and wellness experts, a.k.a. Sexperts, to answer your questions and talk about pleasure, health, sex, and so much more so that you can have Better Sex, Backed by Science. I'm Artika and joining me today is sexpert Kanusha, who is a psychologist and a sexual wellness expert with Allo Health. Hi, Kanusha. Hello Artika, how are you doing? I'm good. Have you seen the movie I was talking about? I actually haven't. But I think it's going to be interesting. Maybe more on this later. Yeah. So just starting Is Longer Sex ?????? Sex? with my personal question, what is the big deal about lasting long or longer? And is the time or duration of sex directly proportional to the quality of sex? No, definitely not. I think this is a very subjective thing. I mean, the people could have sexual intercourse for a couple of minutes, or it goes on longer. But I think I'd like to address this very important thing, which is, you know, sex actually refers to foreplay and intercourse or penetrative sex. But I think a lot of us tend to associate sex with (just) actual penetration. Right. But sex involves the whole thing, you know, starting from kissing, cuddling to actual foreplay and then goes on straight to intercourse. So typically, a man lasts anywhere between 2 to 5 minutes, very typically again- the average time. So, you know, I think couples generally work around that. But it's important for both people to talk about what they like, what they dislike, you know, how they want to go about it. But there's no strict time for it. It's very subjective. Right. I mean, I've heard you use the word intercourse and outercourse earlier as well. And I think that's why we're saying that sex is not always equal to penetration. And so even the question of lasting longer is kind of misplaced, right? Yes. Can Sex be TOO long or TOO short? I think you just mentioned some time and you mentioned some average minutes. Umm, just wondering, can sex ever be too long or too short? Yeah. Again, no. So like I mentioned, you know, a man typically ranges from 2 to 5 minutes. But, you know, there's something you know, when I have sessions with clients, I introduce this concept of the "Cafeteria Approach", which is where, you know, let's say you get into a cafeteria, you order food based on maybe how much time you have or how hungry you are. Or maybe if you're like with good company, you want to eat more. Or if the cafeteria looks good, you want to eat more? Yes. But again, it's based on a lot of factors around. Right. So similarly, I think everything to do with sex or any sexual activity is very subjective. So it's based on maybe the time you have, the environment around, how comfortable you are and multiple factors basically. No specific time slot for it. And like different people like different kinds of food. Absolutely. So that comes into the picture as well. Right Yes. Yeah. No, that sounds like such an interesting approach, but it's also made me a little hungry. But at the same time, it sounds like a very, very interesting approach to talking about this particular topic. Well, you know, duration Premature Ejaculation- How to Identify not too short, not too long- How do you identify if it's just a short duration of sex based on preferences and likes or it's a case of something like premature ejaculation? So premature ejaculation is a sexual dysfunction, right. And that is when. So the typical definition is when a man ejaculates within 2 minutes all the time or most of the time, because I'm sure that, you know, everybody has these random cases or situations of not performing as sexually well, which is okay. But as I said, if it happens all the time or most of the time, that's when we, you know, label it as a premature ejaculation case. So again, it's a very treatable thing Can You Treat Premature Ejaculation? and there are a lot of people who suffer from this. Funny you mention it, because just a while ago when I was at work, I someone asked me, what do you do when what's all this about? And explained to him. And he actually started to talk about how he's been suffering from some sort of an ejaculation issue. Yeah. To not talk about it being so common. Yeah. Someone I was talking to just had it himself. Yeah. So a very common thing. Very, very treatable, in fact, that statistics which support what you just said, that it is very, very common. It's just not commonly talked about. Yes. And okay- science and statistics, Causes of Premature Ejaculation do we know the causes or what could be causing it? And, you know, you said it's very, very treatable. Does that (knowing the causes) help in the treatment in any which way? So there's no specific known cause for this. But, you know, experts believe, if not for all men, for a lot of them, you know, a underactive thyroid gland could be causing this. But as I said, it's definitely treatable. And, you know, I think if someone's suffering from this, I would very strongly advise for him to consult with a sexologist because it's treatable and there are different things that we do as treatment. Yeah. You know, before I move into the next segment, I just also have to mention that Kanusha herself is a psychologist and a sexual wellness therapist. And so if you or anybody you know is experiencing any of these symptoms or concerns, you can log on to our website. www.allohealth.care It's also linked in the description below. And, you know, you can talk to experts like Kanusha. Ask Your Question- Sexpert Answers YOUR Questions! Kanusha now we're going to move into a segment called What's Your Question, where we crowdsource questions from you all. You can drop your questions in the link, in the description. Are you ready to answer some of these questions? Yes, yes, very much. Okay. So the first question is, "I cum (ejaculate) very soon during sex. Is that the reason my wife is not getting pregnant?" Okay. So here if you're ejaculating after penetration, right, regardless of the time that you take pregnancy can happen. Right. But if you're ejaculating before penetration, then that's obviously a problem. And if that's the case, then I'll advise for the person to consult with a doctor and have that sorted out. Absolutely. Okay. Question number two- "I think I have premature ejaculation. I'm not sure. Can it be cured?" Yes, it can be cured. I think maybe rewind our session a bit. And you know, again, I strongly advise to consult with a sexologist and there are different things that we do in therapy or different ways it's treated. Lot of people suffer from this- so very, very treatable condition. Yes. Right. So Kanusha the last question for today is, "Are there any tips for someone who is experiencing premature ejaculation to last longer?" I think we've talked about lasting longer, not being important. But you know, since this is a question we received, I would love for you to answer it. Okay. So I think I'd like to sort of split this into two. So one is, you know, of course, like I mentioned, there are some general things you can do the whole sex of, you know, intercourse and outercourse, being sex. Right. So you focus a lot equally lot on foreplay and then move on to intercourse. But then for premature ejaculation, specifically, you know, based on a consultation with a doctor, there can be maybe some medication prescribed if required. But then as a psychotherapist, I recommend for, you know, people to practice this technique called the "Stop Start technique". Okay. So this has been known to be very, very helpful to delay the ejaculation. So yeah, I think just a couple of these things together. And of course, you know, like you said, if there is support required, there is help available. A lot of it, right. Yes, right. So that does bring us to the end of today's episode. But before we go, I have to share something. I'm sure you answer so many people's queries and concerns about sexual wellness, but I recently received an email from someone who's been watching us and it was just them expressing gratitude for us sharing information. And they said, Oh, you know, this has helped us learn so much about sex and our own bodies as well. And it sort of just made me realize that the impact of what we are doing is so much larger than we even understand it to be sometimes. So I think it was really amazing receiving that email and we love your feedback, so please keep writing to us. You can DM us on Instagram, you can write us in an email and you can also drop comments here itself. That brings us to the end of today's episode. But before you all go and I have to share with you as well, I'm sure you get to answer so many people's queries and concerns, but I recently received an email from someone who's been watching us, thanking us because they said watching us, help them learn so much about sex and sexual wellness and even about their own body. And, you know, that just made me realize that the purpose of us putting this together and the impact of it is so much larger than, you know , sometimes we even realize. So thank you again, so much to all of you who watch us and we love your feedback, so please keep writing to us. You can DM us, email us, even leave a comment below. We read everything. And until then, this is Kanusha and Artika signing off. We'll see you again soon with another expert and another topic.