Ep 3: Quit Porn- Methods That Work l Science Behind Quitting Porn

Topic & Sexpert Intro So when was the last time you watched porn? Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. You know what? In the 21st century, because of the AAA effect, consuming porn has become easy, affordable, accessible, and it can be done anonymously. And that's exactly what we are going to talk about today. Welcome to our show Allo Ask the Sexpert, which is a space where we invite sexual health and wellness experts, a.k.a. Sexperts, to talk about sex, health, pleasure, porn, and so much more so that you can have Better Sex, Backed by Science. I'm Artika and today, I'm joined by our favorite sexpert, Dr. Sandip. Welcome back sir, and thank you for coming again. Thank you. So sir, the reason we picked up What is Porn Addiction? this topic is because, at Allo we've been getting a lot of questions about watching porn, even addiction to porn, and so we really thought we should talk about this. Absolutely. It's it's become a thing in sexual medicine because as you rightly said, the triple AAA engine effect is what we call it, "Anonymous, Affordable, Accessible" (AAA) So we are seeing a lot of people, especially young people, who are presenting with addictions and compulsions. I'm sure we'll talk about all that. Yeah, we will. We will. So just to start us off, Is Watching Porn NORMAL? is watching porn normal? Normal.... I'm not too sure, but take the case of any substance which is legal. Let's say Use, Harmful Use, Addiction there's use, there's harmful use and there's addiction. Take the case of alcohol or smoking cigarettes. Not that I'm advocating any of those. So use, for example, would be something that one would consume for their own needs or benefits. Harmful use is when it starts causing harm to the person's well-being. Either emotional.- if it causes problems to their relationships. In the case of alcohol, we also talk about physical issues, whereas with porn we would talk about problems with sexual functioning. Addiction is a entirely different animal in itself. Do you want me to tell you more or is there a different point that you will ask about it? Of course, this was actually, you know, the next thing that I did want to get into and I think you mentioned smoking and alcohol and with addiction in general, I feel like there's a tendency to quantify. Yes. So you know how many times you smoke in a day, for example. So when it comes to porn, How Much Porn Is TOO MUCH? is there a way to quantify it? Like "how much porn is too much porn?" and what's the difference between watching porn or, you know, when you said using, let's say, with respect to addiction? And when do you know it's too much? How do you tell? How much is too much? How much is too much? Okay. In the sexual research, sexual medicine research, There are people who are called "lumpers and splitters." Okay. So "lumpers" lump porn addiction into either an addiction or a compulsion. There's another word that has been used called impulsivity i.e. doing something spur of the moment without thinking about consequences. Right. Let me try to define it so that it becomes a little clearer for your audience. Signs of Porn Addiction People who tend to be using porn in an addictive way have a few characteristics. One, there is intense craving. So there is an intense urge to want to consume as much as they can. Then there is tolerance. So having watched porn perhaps earlier, this person would want to end the act of watching in a matter of about ten or 15 minutes. But over a period of time, the 15 minutes is not enough. They need to keep watching more to get the same high or the same effect. So that's tolerance. Withdrawal Symptoms- Porn Addiction Then there's withdrawal. So if they stay away from watching porn for some time, it could be a matter of hours in some people that we have seen at Allo, or a day or two. They do get irritable, uncomfortable. They can't focus. They can't concentrate. So, withdrawal symptoms. But then there is something else called as the narrowing of repertoire, which is watching porn, accessing it becomes the most important thing. We've had a few patients who have come to us. They have gone on to watch porn for about 15 or 18 hours at a stretch. Not eating, not sleeping, not going to work, not attending to phone calls. So that's narrowing of repertoire. The researchers who put it under the category of compulsion or impulsion, and impulsivity, they use a different set of criteria, which is the habit becomes repetitive. They constantly get intrusive thoughts of needing to go and watch porn. They know that they are not happy continuing with this habit. They want to stop, but they are not very successful all the time. So you can take a mix of some of these or all of these features. And if there is someone out there who is watching this episode who thinks that the tick box of some or many of these criteria, they might be having a problem of addiction or compulsion. Right. I think a lot of the phases that you mentioned are very similar to addiction to other substances as well. Right. You know, when we talk of dependency or we talk of tolerance, it's very similar to addiction to other substances. And in that line of thought, I would just want to ask and also because you said that if somebody finds themselves experiencing these symptoms, they should know that there's help available. Yes. So is there a way also just to make this a little bit less intimidating, that it's very difficult to actually come out and ask for help for something like this as well? So is there a way that one can identify for themselves or, you know, for another person that, okay, they might be having a concern with consumption of porn. Are there some signs? I know we spoke about withdrawal symptoms, but this is more talking about. Are there any symptoms to even identify? Identifying Porn Addiction Mm hmm. There are some rating scales. There's one called the Sexual Addiction Screening Questionnaire or screening test. There are quite a few. But I would go by how it is impacting the person. Is it impacting his relationship? Is it affecting their day to day functioning? And by that by those parameters, if it indeed is, they must get themselves evaluated. I would say outcome. Yeah. And I think again, Treatment For Porn Addiction just want to talk about briefly but again, want to talk about you saying there's help available. I think that's an important message that needs to go out. And that's why I want to, you know, have you tell us a little bit about it. Sure. Maybe it's a different podcast in itself. Ok, then I'm booking you today for the next episode on this? Happy to be back. So we will talk maybe in some detail, we'll come up with some tips and tricks in order to recognize as well as to regulate their own use. But what's important and if there's one massage that needs to go out. Yeah. Dependance or addiction is a problem in itself. We should not look at it as some kind of bad behavior or a personal choice that this person has made. Most of the people who come to us with addiction, porn addiction I'm talking about, are distressed about their own consumption of porn. So we need to view it from the prism of this being a problem- a psychological problem, rather than looking at it from a social or a moral compass. Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. I agree with you. And I think I have to Ask Your Question- Sexpert Answers YOUR Question! now also take you through some of the Allo questions. And this is our segment, which is called Ask Your Question where we crowd source questions from all of you. If you have a question in mind and you want an expert to answer it, you can find the link in the description below. So I'm going to take you through some of the questions. I think you already know the drill because you're a regular of this show now. We've done this before. Yeah. Okay. So the first question is, "I watch porn every day. Am I addicted?" Hmm. Like I mentioned earlier, there is use, harmful use and addiction. We need to quantify what is the usage. Right. I wouldn't be able to answer it just on the basis of that. Yeah. But all I can say is everyone who watches porn does not necessarily have to be classed as someone who is dependent or addicted. Right. Moving on to the next question. Okay. This is the opposite now. Okay. "I've never seen porn, but all my friends have. Is something wrong with me?" For having not watched it... Absolutely not. It's a personal choice. So if you have decided that that's not something for you, I think you should stick by it. Absolutely. Okay. Third question. "I only experience arousal while watching porn. Never otherwise. What should I do?" This one seems a little on the side of the addictive or the compulsive side. I'll quickly tell you a case vignette. I was treating this couple where the man in the couple has been watching porn for quite some time, many years. And over the years he graduated to only watching porn where women had hairy legs. I was taken aback and surprised, but he tells me that if you want to watch only that kind of porn, then that's available apparently. Hmm. So when this person got married, he struggled to have any meaningful intimacy with his wife. So if a person is, let's say, hooked on to a certain kind of porn, it is quite likely that they may be okay in the virtual world having intimacy. But in the real world, they may have issues like desire issues, erectile dysfunctions. So this is a gentleman who certainly needs to seek professional help. Right. I think indicating towards "real" v/s "reel" life and like an expectation mismatch of sorts. Very well put. Yes. Great. That brings us to the end of the segment and also the end of this episode. But thank you so much for being here again. And it's always such an insightful experience for me and I'm sure for the listeners as well to chat with you and have you answer all the questions. So this is the end of today's episode and Dr. Sandip and Artika signing off. We'll see you soon with another episode, another expert.