Grief and Bereavement: Understanding Loss

Losing someone or something deeply important can affect your emotions, thoughts, body and daily life. This response is called grief. You may feel sadness, shock, anger, guilt, numbness or even moments of calm, and these feelings may change from day to day.

Grief is a natural response to loss, but you do not have to manage it alone. This guide explains what grief can feel like, how long it may last, healthy ways to cope and when professional support may help.

What Are Grief and Bereavement?

Grief is your natural response to losing someone or something important. Bereavement refers specifically to losing someone through death. Mourning is how grief is expressed through personal, cultural or religious practices.

Grief can also follow a relationship ending, serious illness, or the loss of a job, home or ability. A sudden or traumatic loss may bring additional reactions, such as fear, distressing memories or feeling constantly alert. 

Is Grief a Mental Illness?

Grief itself is not a mental illness. It is a natural response to loss, and many people gradually adjust with time and support from family, friends or their community [1][8].

However, natural does not mean easy. You may feel sadness, anger, guilt, relief, numbness or longing, especially if the relationship was difficult or complicated. Having mixed feelings does not mean you are grieving incorrectly.

Grief has no fixed timeline. If it remains overwhelming, makes daily life very difficult or does not begin to ease, professional support may help.

What Are the Five Stages of Grief?

The five stages of grief describe feelings that may happen after a loss:

1. Denial: Feeling shocked, numb or unable to believe what happened.
2. Anger: Feeling frustrated with yourself, other people or the situation.
3. Bargaining: Thinking “if only” or wondering whether the loss could have been prevented.
4. Depression: Feeling deep sadness, emptiness or withdrawing from others.
5. Acceptance: Beginning to adjust to the loss. This does not mean forgetting the person or no longer feeling sad.

These stages are not a fixed process or checklist [1][7]. You may experience some, all or none of them. They can happen in any order and return at different times. There is no wrong way to move through grief.

What Does Grief Feel Like?

Grief often comes in waves. You may feel steady and then suddenly feel upset because of a song, smell, photograph or special date [1].

Grief can affect both your mind and body:

• Sadness, anger, guilt, longing or relief
• Shock, numbness or confusion
• Difficulty concentrating or remembering things
• Tiredness or low energy
• Sleeping too little or too much
• Eating more or less than usual
• Headaches, body aches or muscle tension
• A tight chest, heavy feeling or unsettled stomach

These reactions often become less intense with time, although grief may return around birthdays, festivals and anniversaries.

Grief can cause physical symptoms, but do not assume every symptom is caused by grief. Speak to a doctor if you have chest pain, breathlessness, an irregular heartbeat, unexplained weight loss or symptoms that are severe or worrying.

There is no correct way to grieve. Asking for support does not mean you are grieving badly; it means you do not want to carry the loss alone.

What Are the Different Types of Grief?

Different losses can lead to different experiences:

• Anticipatory grief: Grief that begins before an expected loss, such as when someone has a serious or terminal illness.
• Prolonged grief: Intense grief that continues for a long time and makes daily life very difficult.
• Disenfranchised grief: Grief that other people may not fully recognise, such as the loss of a pet, a miscarriage or an estranged relationship.
• Grief after a non-death loss: Grief following divorce, migration, job loss, serious illness or the loss of a home or ability.
• Traumatic grief: Grief following a sudden, violent or frightening death. Read more about PTSD and trauma.

How you grieve may also depend on your relationship with the person, whether the loss was expected, your health, available support, financial pressures and your family or cultural beliefs.

Grief vs Depression: What Is the Difference?

Grief and depression can have similar symptoms, but they are not the same [4].

Grief and depression can happen together. Seek help if low mood is constant, daily life feels unmanageable or you feel worthless or hopeless. Read more about depression. 

When Can Grief Become Prolonged?

Some people experience intense grief that continues for a long time and seriously affects daily life. This is called prolonged grief disorder [2][3].

Possible signs include:

• Intense longing that does not begin to ease
• Difficulty accepting the death
• Avoiding reminders of the loss
• Feeling that life has lost its meaning
• Being unable to return to everyday activities

Grieving for a long time does not automatically mean you have this condition. Only a qualified professional can diagnose prolonged grief disorder.

When Should You Seek Help?

Consider professional support if:

• Grief remains overwhelming for many months
• You cannot manage daily activities
• You are using alcohol or drugs to cope
• You have ongoing depression or anxiety
• You feel that life is not worth living

Counselling, therapy or a support group can give you a safe place to talk. Medication does not treat grief itself, but a doctor may recommend it if depression or anxiety develops.

Learn what to expect in therapy.

If you may harm yourself or cannot stay safe, call 112, go to the nearest hospital or ask someone you trust to stay with you. See our crisis support and helplines.

What Can Help You Cope?

Support from family, friends, a counsellor or a grief-support group may help [5]. You can also:

• Accept practical help from people you trust.
• Maintain simple routines for food, sleep and movement.
• Reduce unnecessary responsibilities where possible.
• Plan ahead for difficult dates and festivals.
• Avoid major decisions during the most painful period.
• Use personal, cultural or religious rituals if they bring comfort.
• Consider counselling or a support group if you feel stuck or alone.

Anger, guilt, relief, numbness and moments of happiness can all be part of grief. These feelings do not mean you cared any less.

How Can You Support Someone Who Is Grieving?

Listen without trying to fix their feelings. Offer specific help, such as bringing food or helping with an errand.

You could say:

• “I’m here if you want to talk.”
• “Would you like company or some space?”
• “Can I help with something this week?”

Avoid telling them to “move on” or “stay strong.” Continue checking in after the first few weeks. Read more about supporting a loved one.

Can Grief Get Better?

Grief may not disappear, but it usually becomes easier to live with. Give yourself time and accept support when you need it. If grief continues to control daily life, a mental health professional can help.